there is no antonym for vortex

One of our divine purposes here is to learn to change the direction of the spin of energy from destructive to creative.

Let me explain.

Destructive, negative, fearful, taking energies and scarcity-mindsets are energy patterns that spin in a direction that turns inwardly on itself. It is an imploding, self-absorbing, black hole kind of vortex that consumes energy up and separates and disconnects itself from other energies.

We can begin to observe this type of energy as we take notice of everything in our experiences. Destructive energies are present when we engage in negative ways of thinking about ourselves and others. These kinds of thoughts can lead us to put others down, and attempt to control our surroundings. This destructive energy pattern is the driving force behind every exploitative act, every abuse of power, every deception, and every act of violence. All are based in fear, all are destructive and all create disconnection in the world.

On the contrary, creative, positive, loving, giving energies and abundance-mindsets are energy patterns that spin in the opposite direction, expanding outwardly from within. It is an exploding, selfless, expansive kind of anti-vortex (for which there seems to be no word in the English language), where the energy produces infinitely, weaving and merging with other expansive energies until there is only Oneness.

We can begin to observe this type of energy as we take notice of everything in our experiences. Creative energies are present when we engage in positive ways of thinking about ourselves and others. When we practice visualizing the potential in all things and committing our energies toward the realization of these visions, we ourselves become conduits for creation. This creative energy pattern is the driving force behind every truly loving act, every decision made from a place of selfless service, every healing, and every communication made with the purpose of increasing the collective consciousness. All are based in love, all are expansive, and all increase our ability to live in resonant harmony with ourselves and all beings. 

A Conversation With Myself

This photograph (a self-portrait made in conjunction with Sophia Emigh) is up at Wolff Gallery in Portland, Oregon, as a part of the show titled Now I Am Myself. The show features portrait work of women, by women, that subverts the male gaze. In other words, the work has other intentions besides showcasing women as they relate to men and specifically, the object of male sexual desire.

During the First Thursday gallery opening, a male acquaintance of mine made the comment to me, “You look about as unattractive as I can imagine you looking in this photo.” I don’t remember, but I don’t think I said anything in response at the time. I was just dumbfounded.

In retrospect, I’m glad that happened. Because it made me realize that it didn’t get under my skin. Me, who in a previous chapter of my life was bulimic for five years. Me, who for decades looked to my relationships with men to validate my self worth when I didn’t think I was enough.

I don’t care if this man, or any man, or any person sees my body as attractive in this photo. It was never the point of this work. The point of this work was facing my own shadows and stripping away everything that wasn’t serving my highest being and burning it in an act of personal ritual. It is baring all my vulnerabilities and saying fuck it, because I DON’T NEED YOUR APPROVAL.

I don’t think this man’s comment was made with malicious intent. It even crossed my mind that it may have been some terrible attempt at giving me a compliment. Regardless, it was a statement made with a lack of consciousness or consideration. Which is why shows like this are still important. Advocating for women and feminism is still important. We need to transcend the idea that women’s bodies can only be seen or discussed or utilized in relationship to men or sexuality. Period.

I’m glad this happened because it really helped confirm for myself that this work that came from real places in me is still living in the right places within me. It is a real, honest and ongoing conversation with myself that I am allowing people to see and be witness to. This work is about the essence of me and the evolution of me.

So again, other people’s opinions on how my body looks in this photograph and whether it satisfies their sexual preferences and desires and ideals is irrelevant to me. The conversation was never really meant to include anyone but myself.

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